took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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