why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
