Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
im on a boat
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