He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
