Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
