my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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