I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
