i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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