I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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