Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She's the barista slut.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
