ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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