it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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