Are we in a gay sports bar?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
