You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
