Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
