My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize