went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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