Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
