Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
