i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize