I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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