They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
