Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
