i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
