First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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