yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
