Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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