I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
