Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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