I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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