i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
