Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
