I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
