She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
a search helicopter?!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
