I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
