I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
