You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize