Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
