My liver just broke up with me...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
