My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
