i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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