theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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