the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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