my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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