I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
