My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
