so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
FUCK WHALES
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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