I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it was like eating out sand paper
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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