My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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