Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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