Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
