Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
