He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
