I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
