the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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