And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
