if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My vagina just recognized that song.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
