trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
