I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
