Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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