he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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