How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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