seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
