so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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