I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
