It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
