yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
