Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
