Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
