Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
there is puke in my bra ... again
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