He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
