What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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