I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
