fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
