He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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