Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
