Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
