shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
