take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
