hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
