nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize