I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
