4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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