My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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