dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
