His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
