if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
