Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
