You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
