he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
