mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize