woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize