the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
