so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
