Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I understand Curling. That high.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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