Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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