doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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